Sunday, April 13, 2014

In the Middle of a Loss

Saturday was a difficult day for me. My husband petted our sweet cat, Chloe as he left for work early that morning. I woke up two hours later to find that she had passed away. Her body was still warm when I tearfully put her in a box to take to the vet.  I had neither the will nor the strength to bury her myself. 

She wasn't a perfect cat nor was I a perfect pet parent. But she filled a place in my life that is just empty right now. Today when we came home from church, she was not there to greet us and tell us she needed more food, water and a treat. And rub her back while we at it. And my heart broke a little bit all over again. 

Chloe was not a lap cat when she moved in back in May 2001. I adopted her because she did not get along with the senior cats of the family that rescued her. She howled on the drive to my house for the entire 30 minutes. She attacked my feet under the sheets until she understood that it was not a good idea. She saw me through my mother's heart attack later that same year as well as the emotional aftermath of 9/11. She liked to chase lizards that got into the house. I could shake her treat bag to bring her running when I was unable to find her latest hiding place. She slept at the foot of my bed and sat beside me on the couch to be petted. She fussed whenever I was gone for more than the day. I always made sure someone looked after when I went on a trip but she still fussed when I came home. 

When Mr. MoaM came into my life after Hurricane Katrina, she sniffed him out and approved him. She liked him so much that she sat in his lap. In fact after we married, she would fuss at him when he came home from work until he sat on the couch and crossed his legs so that she could get in his lap. He had always been a dog person but she converted him.

I only have a few pictures of her because the camera containing her pictures was stolen back in November. She was black and white and her facial markings made it look like she had a "hair-lip." She liked to look out the window. I have a picture of that. I have good memories and I know she didn't suffer. She was old and was going to die. But I still miss her. As my cousin, Kenna put it so aptly, I have a "kitty-shaped hole in my heart."  I just wanted to honor my friend. Thanks for your understanding.