Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Medical Dread in the Middle of a Physical Mess

So, I have a medical appointment this morning for one of those yearly wellness check-up visits. The thing that I dread the most about these visits is weighing in. Unlike a weigh-in at Weight Watchers, the nurse usually does not let me take my shoes off of my feet. I'm lucky if they let me set my purse down before stepping up on the scales of doom. I know what I weigh but I'm embarrassed for others to know what I weigh, even the medical personnel who will guard my Protected Health Information to the death. Well, not really to the death but they are reasonably protective. But I digress because I really don't want to talk about my weight. Since the friendly nurse will put it on my chart, along with my height so that my BMI can be figured, the medical service provider will know. And I will probably get the usual talk about what I need to do and not do so that I can lose weight. I know all of this because 1) I've heard it from other medical personnel, and 2) I actually know what I should do.

At one point in my life, I actually went to Weight Watchers and followed the program. I lost a significant amount of weight and felt really good. But then I got married and ended up having surgery about 9 months later, and I fell off the wagon. So here is my dilemma: I know that I feel better when I weigh less and move more but I am not doing anything to move in that direction. I have trouble initiating. I know I should tell someone but I fear the failure of having to say, "Thanks for keeping me accountable but I didn't do all those things I told you I was going to do." I don't want to feel like a loser (not in the Biggest Loser sense but in the "I'm a failure and there is no hope for me" sense).

I've been listening to a variety of podcasts lately, and here are some things I've gleaned that might help me to do what I really need to do:
1)  When I try to do something, I am going to fail. Failing does not make me a failure but not trying again does.
2)  I won't typically take an action if I don't see a result. I need to believe in the process because I am not going to see an immediate result from every action I take.

So, my action for today is to tell about my BMI, which is 38.9. Ouch.

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